Thread and its Origin by Shawn Anto
I am not able to hush these thoughts
or hush a jagged smile between shivering lips
a joke, a chuckle I feed on when I think of you & dad’s best friend
when I was six years old that urgency swept in—looking back
fifteen years later, ignorant bliss as smoke through life
that cliché that whips inside veins
& is this why you could never look dad in the eyes
all these years later at every church retreat we went to
could you see the shallow depths of my mind & your own
the guilt that sits between your ribs or perhaps the echo
of ‘playing through the pain’ or hiding from weakness
laced right there, weaving itself through—
or what about me? you never taught me how to love someone
I spiral down, each lesson on how to trust
I missed each time, time is betrayal
you: first person to sever these webs
all else fails those who have learned the fine art of keeping secrets what does my brother
think now: Tyson all grown up & med-school path forward
what did I do wrong but detach myself from moving this path forward
sticky thread following me toward relapse release think of me when feeling is gone
my therapist says I should confront you, how could I contain each angry piece
that has filled the lonely void—a safer place than cracked walls & empty

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Shawn Anto is 23 years old from Bakersfield, California. He’s originally from Kerala, India. He currently studies at Cal State Bakersfield looking to receive his B.A. in English & Theatre. His writing has been featured or are forthcoming in The Paragon Press, Edify Fiction, Susan/The Journal, Internet Void, Ink & Voices and Mojave Heart Review.

