Instructions for Attending Sunday’s Anti-Time Travel March by Liam Hogan

Thank you for registering your interest in Sunday’s march. We can’t do it without your support and we sincerely hope to see you there. It’s important that as many protesters as possible show up, to demonstrate the depth of anti-time travel feeling.

The route of the march as indicated on the enclosed map has been agreed in advance with the appropriate authorities. It’s a long one, I’m afraid! We know Sunday is the day time travel is going to be invented but we’re not sure of the exact location, so the march will visit the three most likely scientific laboratories before rallying in Times Square. In all likelihood there is nothing we can do to prevent the discovery, but that doesn’t mean we’re not going to try.

Even if we fail, we’ll be lobbying Government for the strictest of regulations in the coming months, so please, come and add your voice to ours.

As the date is well known, it’s likely there will be a significant number of time travelling tourists in the area. They may attempt to disrupt our protest: for “kicks and giggles”. In order to keep everybody safe, carefully follow the advice below.

Please be on time. The march leaves the National Laboratory at twelve sharp. Arriving earlier than this is not recommended; the first protester to turn up will, most probably, be picked off by waiting timeys and sent into the far distant past. Of course, that means the first person never turned up, so the second person becomes the first person and will similarly be picked off. The only safe approach is en masse, as the clock strikes midday.

Bring water and a snack. Although the march should be over by two, time loop paradoxes may conspire to make it feel a lot, lot, longer. You’ll be glad you came prepared.

Don’t engage with the time travelers. They’re likely to be in festive mood, but do not let this blind you to what degenerates they really are, will be, or have become.

Do bring a placard. Cardboard and wooden poles may appear anachronistic in this day and age, but they make for much better publicity pictures than iPhone selfies. They’re also of more use in fending off prehistoric predators. Suggested chants and slogans can be found in the attached media file. Let’s make some noise!

Please DON’T resort to “What do we want? A ban on Time Travel. When do we want it? Forever!” as it is far too derivative of the chant pro-time travelers are accustomed to using and therefore easily hijacked.

Finally, do remember to bring a watch. An old-fashioned one, for preference. There are time periods, both past and future, in which your smartphone will be about as useful as a sundial at night. And, though a watch won’t tell you where you are, at least you’ll always know when you came from.

       Stay safe,

       Phyllis Everton,
       Chairperson, Anti-Time Travel League, New York Branch.

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Liam Hogan is an Oxford Physics graduate and award winning London based writer. His short story “Ana”, appears in Best of British Science Fiction 2016 (NewCon Press) and his twisted fantasy collection, “Happy Ending Not Guaranteed”, is published by Arachne Press. http://happyendingnotguaranteed.blogspot.co.uk or tweet @LiamJHogan